Well, here I am into my second week of being a Blogger and doing my creativity workshop.  Last week the focus was on rediscovering a sense of safety so that I could feel free to explore my creativity without fear.  There is a lot of trepidation associated with trying to strike out in a different direction.  I have a career, a very logical, and some would say enviable, career.  It is stressful and inolves lots of responsibility and hard work and leaves me feeling unappreciated, used, abused, and unfulfilled.  So thinking about leaving that career is necessary for my mental and emotional well-being but also very scary.  I do have to earn a living after all.  Thinking about trying to move my life in a more creative direction (which could mean anything and evokes the "starving artist" image) is terrifying. There is also the fear of rejection and the fear of being judged by others (most of whom also get the same "starving artist" image in their heads when they think of someone trying to earn a living as a creative person).  Part of feeling safe, for me, involves telling only a select few people about what I'm doing.  Well, them and anybody who happens upon my blog and takes the time to read it.  But, as I am anonymous to them, there is still a sense that I can put my thoughts out there without fear.  In order to keep my sense of safety, I've felt it necessary to go into a bit of a self-imposed seclusion.  Spending lots of time at home alone, just my computer, books, pen and paper.  And, of course, my cat who has been my steadfast companion for nearly 14 years.  I had a boyfriend but that was beginning to fizzle out when I started on this trek and so that has fortuitously fallen by the wayside.  Probably for the best as I do not need that distraction or complication. I'll leave discussions of my unsatisfactory love life for another time as my focus for now must be squarely upon me and me alone. 

This brings me to the focus for this week, which is rediscovering a sense of identity.  Sadly, at the age of 37, I can't say that I truly know who I am.  I once thought I did but now I'm just not so sure.  Ms. Cameron points out at the beginning of the chapter on rediscovering a sense of identity that during this time, "[y]ou may find yourself drawing new boundaries and staking out new territories as your personal needs, desires, and interests announce themselves."   How true.  Reference my self-imposed seclusion.  If holing up inside the four walls of my home isn't staking out my territory, I don't know what is.  While sitting at home, I've been prone to entertaining fantasy and allowing my inner daydreamer the run of the place.  What fun!  And of course, writing like a woman possessed.  Much of it is just aimless rambling but I figure at some point the aimless rambling will eventually take on some kind of direction and that is the whole aim of this process for me.  Also, as I have often talked myself out of things by judging them too harshly and long before they had a chance to take shape, I am determined to just let the things that I create be what they are when they are.  No judgment.  No expectations.  I'm learning to live in the moment and so I will let my creativity live in the moment too.

Inspiration, Motivation, Creation

As I'm thinking more about this foray into my creativity and the direction I need to be steering my life, I have been thinking a lot about the idea that we are what we eat.  Although, in this sense I mean we are what we absorb into our minds and our hearts.  Years ago I discovered that I was easily influenced by images and words.  I stopped watching horror movies long ago and when a television show starts with the disclaimer that it contains graphic images that could be disturbing to some viewers, I often take the warning to heart and switch the channel.  Ugly images have a way of lodging themselves into my subconscious and causing me to be distracted and lose sleep; and I know they have a negative impact. 

Thus, I've been thinking that while I am on this journey of self-discovery, it is best to make sure that I keep myself on a steady diet of postive thoughts.  I remember the first time I was introduced to the idea that we control our thoughts and that our thoughts and feelings can impact our well-being.  I was living at home with my parents so I'm thinking I was either still in high school or perhaps home for the summer from college.  I was having a conversation with my Dad.  I'm sure I must have been complaining about something in my life and was obviously quite down.  Now, my Dad is one of the most self-confident and optimistic people I have ever met.  He never lets someone tell him he can't do something and he never told his children that we couldn't do something.  I have always admired him.  At any rate, at some point during our conversation, he walked over to one of his bookshelves and pulled down a book and handed it to me.  He told me that I needed to have a more positive attitude and that I should read this book.  It was entitled The Power of Positive Thinking and was written by Norman Vincent Peale.  This book was published in 1952, long before some of the books on the subject that people turn to today.  Though at the time, I was dubious, I did read the book and tried to put into practice some of its teachings.  But I never fully devoted myself to it. Over the years, I have read other books about positive thinking.  About a year ago, I purchased Mr. Peale's book again and reread it.  As I continue with this artistic adventure and inner reflection, there will be many more positive and inspirational words written by others which will help me to maintain my focus. I intend to give credit where credit is due and will maintain a list of these amazing books that have helped me along the way.  As this blog is still taking shape and I started it on a whim, I'm not sure where it is going to lead but I am dedicated to having its primary focus be on inspiration, motivation, and creation.  Negativity is not welcome here.

Lauratitude as in Gratitude

This blog is about my journey of gratitude over roads traveled and pathways yet to come. The word "gratitude" mixed with my name, Laura, is how I came up with the name of my blog. Though I realize many will read that title and come to the conclusion that I am just a Laura with an Attitude, hopefully, they will look beyond that to see what this is really about. I have had a blessed life in many ways but have also had my share of challenges, heart-breaks, and tragedies. But I am a woman with an attitude of gratitude and choose to remain that way.

I find myself in that uncomfortable yet exciting place in life called a "transitional place." Two years post-divorce, in my mid-thirties. Oh alright, my latish-thirties. I don't have children though I often wish that I did. I am a professional, educated woman toiling in a career that has not met my expectations and which I believe is not allowing me to fully cultivate my potential for abundance in all areas of my life. The lease on my office space is up at the end of the year and rather than simply looking for another office and continuing with this unfulfilling job, I've decided to give myself the next 7 months to really figure out what I want to do with my life since I've apparently still not got it quite right.

I'm embarking on a twelve-week self-study designed to help me tap back into my creativity. This is a guided study involving lots of self-reflection and excessive creative, free-flow writing. The goal is to reach a place where my spirituality and creativity are in sync with the World around me which will help me to see better the path I'm meant to be on before I take another wrong turn.

This blog is where I will keep track of much of my progress. Where I will store references to books and other forms of media that I have used along the way, and reflections on things I have learned or about which I want to learn more. I know that I am not the first person by a long shot to embark on such a journey and certainly not the last. But because the goal is to find my place in this World, I felt that putting it out into the Blogosphere was only fitting.
By the way, the book that I am using to start me on this journey is The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.  If you are interested in tapping into your creativity or just for some personal growth, this book has been highly recommended by artists of every kind and from every walk of life.  I even have some friends who have gone through the exercises themselves and swear by it.  Check it out.