Well, here I am into my second week of being a Blogger and doing my creativity workshop.  Last week the focus was on rediscovering a sense of safety so that I could feel free to explore my creativity without fear.  There is a lot of trepidation associated with trying to strike out in a different direction.  I have a career, a very logical, and some would say enviable, career.  It is stressful and inolves lots of responsibility and hard work and leaves me feeling unappreciated, used, abused, and unfulfilled.  So thinking about leaving that career is necessary for my mental and emotional well-being but also very scary.  I do have to earn a living after all.  Thinking about trying to move my life in a more creative direction (which could mean anything and evokes the "starving artist" image) is terrifying. There is also the fear of rejection and the fear of being judged by others (most of whom also get the same "starving artist" image in their heads when they think of someone trying to earn a living as a creative person).  Part of feeling safe, for me, involves telling only a select few people about what I'm doing.  Well, them and anybody who happens upon my blog and takes the time to read it.  But, as I am anonymous to them, there is still a sense that I can put my thoughts out there without fear.  In order to keep my sense of safety, I've felt it necessary to go into a bit of a self-imposed seclusion.  Spending lots of time at home alone, just my computer, books, pen and paper.  And, of course, my cat who has been my steadfast companion for nearly 14 years.  I had a boyfriend but that was beginning to fizzle out when I started on this trek and so that has fortuitously fallen by the wayside.  Probably for the best as I do not need that distraction or complication. I'll leave discussions of my unsatisfactory love life for another time as my focus for now must be squarely upon me and me alone. 

This brings me to the focus for this week, which is rediscovering a sense of identity.  Sadly, at the age of 37, I can't say that I truly know who I am.  I once thought I did but now I'm just not so sure.  Ms. Cameron points out at the beginning of the chapter on rediscovering a sense of identity that during this time, "[y]ou may find yourself drawing new boundaries and staking out new territories as your personal needs, desires, and interests announce themselves."   How true.  Reference my self-imposed seclusion.  If holing up inside the four walls of my home isn't staking out my territory, I don't know what is.  While sitting at home, I've been prone to entertaining fantasy and allowing my inner daydreamer the run of the place.  What fun!  And of course, writing like a woman possessed.  Much of it is just aimless rambling but I figure at some point the aimless rambling will eventually take on some kind of direction and that is the whole aim of this process for me.  Also, as I have often talked myself out of things by judging them too harshly and long before they had a chance to take shape, I am determined to just let the things that I create be what they are when they are.  No judgment.  No expectations.  I'm learning to live in the moment and so I will let my creativity live in the moment too.